how i wish..

Jus when everyone has their life of their own..
jus when everyone has their own things to do, own loved ones to be with..

jus when i needed a friend, they hav all disappeared..
jus because they have their own things to do, own life to deal with and own lovers to love at....

i'm all alone..

it was few years back, when we were still in high school.
my eyes were constantly searching for you, where ever you go, whatever you do...
when you were playing basketball (which is a "hot" thing for boys to play bball..), when girls were shouting their lungs out cheering for you, i stood there..

how i wish i could be like them, cheering ever so loudly for you...

i couldn't do it.. everything the girls are, i was not...i wasn't pretty, i wasn't smart, i wasn't as nice as the girls..
how can i even start comparing to them?
so all i could do was to stand at the corner, resisting the temptation to cheer you so loudly, by supporting you in the crowd inside me.
i am jus another person in your eyes, another person in the crowd, another one of your admirers that you've yet to notice.

every single morning, i woke up, thank the God, and my parents for giving me this life..
but i despise myself, for hating myself for not believing that i am pretty enough to be me...
for not loving myself for who i am..

how i wish, i am not me..

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ok seriously i have no idea what i'm writing.. LOL
jus some crappy stories that i suddenly came up with..
really crappy in my opinion

and NO it didn't happen to me LOL!