Fuck it

That is why, I am constantly searching for new friends.
Searching for places where I can depend on.
Where I will never be left out.
Searching for a place where I can be myself.

Fuck it, seriously
I really hate it when I am left out.
I am kiddish, naive, so fucking what?
A problem with you? Then fuck off if you don't like me.

Apparently, in reality, I can't be myself.
I have to put on this fucking mask where ever I go, so that people will like me, will be my friends.
Those are fake friends, are they?
I don't know.
If they can't accept you for who you are, fuck it, they are not even true fucking friends to you.

Being who I really am, will jus scare people away.
It does always feel like I need people reassurance but in reality I dont need them.
It's useless, I am easily upsetted by negative opinions, but no feelings on positive.

That's who I am, and probably will be.

And, oh I LOVE my friends. Fucking love them, when I'm not me.
Who can accept me?
Who will remember me?
I love my fake life as well, you see that?

Fuck it.
Who will accept me for who I am, for the things I have done, for my personality?
This freaking disorder?
This ugly part of me?
Everyone just want a nice and pretty friend, who I am not.
Which I will never be.

I know myself.
I am needy, I am fucking ugly from the inside.
I am searching for FRIENDS (mind you, not lovers) to accept who I am, whenever I whine, whenever I am upset (so ever easily..)

oh ya I have to be NOT me, so that many will be my friends. Though, I have shown most of it, and some people are starting to take a step back (As far as I know)
I am sensitive, I will never forget things that upset me.

apologies, will be forgiving, for most part, but will never be forgotten, and I will constantly remind you of that. Get away from me, if possible, if you don't like it.

Bye and Nigthz