When will it be?

I jus read "Mishounen Produce" Manga online. You know, typical shoujo manga.. :/
I think it's everytime after I finished a shoujo manga, I get emotional..

When will it be?
When will it be when I meet someone who makes my heart 'skip' a beat, and he'll do anything for me?
When will it be when I meet someone who is wiling to change his life for me? When will it be when I meet someone with dreams? Someone who is attractive because he has his dreams? Someone who is willing to go all out for me? Someone who attracts other but sees only me? Someone who only wanted my attention and none others?

I will, I will meet someone like that in the future. I am not sure, but I will (I hope).. but when will it be?

Truth to be told, I want to be who I want to be, but I am not who I want to be..
I am evil with darkness in me, I am not kind, not pretty nor smart (not enough for my standard) and am always envious of others. :/

How can they be smart, genius, pretty, beautiful and talented at the same time? When will it be my turn to shine? I doubt I will. This is me I am talking about. :/

I know who I want to be with. Someone who is attractive because has a dream and are always chasing after it, someone who cooks really well for me, someone who only sees me but no others (even though he's unconsciously attracting others), someone who is willing to change his life for me (even though he has his dreams) but never throw his dreams away.
In appearance, he has to be attractive! (like a celebrity... nah, just kidding! That would mean bringing trouble for myself!) But he has to have to look, you know? Tall enough, fit enough.. Ok I am asking for perfection, bad. :/

I am not perfect myself. I am not smart or pretty, so I can't really expect my 'future' soul mate to be perfect right?

Do you believe in soul mate? I do. :)

When will I be able to meet him? Or will I not meet him in this life of mine? This post seems pretty stupid to me, but I want to write it down. :/

Sometimes, I just feel like going down on my knees, sob and cry all I want. But this is really stupid thing to cry over for, really. It's so stupid I have no idea if I did cry, I would be laughing at myself tomorrow for doing it. :/

I think.. I really need to stop focusing on myself. I have been doing that lately and I think it's bad.. right?
My life doesn't evolve just around me, but my family and my friends..
I need to look at them, see them and care for them. Not for myself. :/ But I do not intend to be kind hearted girl.. I would wan to be one more evil lady.. :/

I dont know, it's kinda confusing.. I am really feeling down now.. >.<

I have a physical chemistry test tomorrow.. I am not nervous, because I think I have no idea what to do in the test... T_T