Jus some thoughts...

I have been wondering..
I must have been out of my mind. However, it is stuck in my head and I don't know how to explain it.
There goes again, the emotional me.

I found out that if falling in love hurts, then why am I banging on the wall again and again?
I, myself, was afraid to fall in love, especially with a friend. A close friend at that.
It's for sure, we could not be friends anymore.

I know now, I saw it, felt it, it happened to me. It broke my heart, it breaks my soul.
It sure sucks to lose a friend. I tried.. I tried so hard to be friends, but, sometimes, it jus doesn't work that way.

I wanted to fall in love with a stranger, you know.
How fate makes it all happen?
How I wish someone there was waiting for me?
Sometimes, I jus wanna break down and cry in front of that fated person.

When everyone said third time is the charm, I chose to object it.
Why? Because the third time I'm falling in love, I fell on the ground, crashing down, causing all those injuries in me, twice. (why twice? some reasons, I dont wanna talk about it..)
No one sees that. Can anyone feel that?

So, if falling in love with a friend will result in losing one friend.. why in the world should I take the risk?
Furthermore, if the friend is in love with me and I'm not to him, we're not friends as well.
Why?
I dont like losing a friend I like. (as in friend-like type)
I dont wan to be lonely.
But in reality, I am.
I am always forgotten, isolated far away from my friend, though, hoping they can see me being so lonely in the wild and offer a help of hand to pull me out.
In this darkness, only the voice could be heard, and so, I called out for help.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Falling in love with a stranger has its advantages and disadvantages.. right?
I am not sure if I could be in love with him for long, nor he to me.
I am afraid of being in a relationship wit someone who doesn't know me at all.
But what else can I be expecting now?

I dont know (It has been my fav phrase nowadays..)
I jus dont know, dont get it. I wonder why.
Falling in love with either friends or strangers are a frightening thought to me.
I am scared, and yet, I dont wanna be alone.