July is not a month, it's years.

Hi

It has almost been a week since I have updated my blog.
I am still not very sure of my feelings yet.
But all I can be sure of that, as long as the month of July is not over, I shall not be burdened by anymore other feelings..

I have this thought though.
Falling in love takes a second, but it takes forever to forget someone..
and that he is the only one, probably the only one, I wouldn't forget.. I couldn't do it?

I am not sure myself.
My mind's in a mess, my heart is even worse.
This heavy feeling, which is totally different than the heavy feelings that I felt when I found out that I was in love, is eating me from inside out?

I have been lacking sleep nowadays.. Trying my best to be busy, to do everything..
Gulping down my tears when they came around my eyes..
Trying my very best to not think of him.
To not cry, because I know, no one is worth my tears..unless something bad really happened. :D


What am I even trying to achieve by writing about this in my blog anyway?
To get sympathy?
I dont know.. probably, if you said so, I wouldn't deny it.
But all I can say that, there are many things, I wish I could have said it out loud to someone, to anyone, who is willing to listen.
But my strength lies in writing, not in talking.
Every time I'm with someone, I'd laugh, along with them, regardless of how I was feeling..also unless, something pretty bad happened that would really make me break down in front of my friends.

I'd be safer, happier and talk so much better while in writing.
But does anyone understand that?
No idea. :/

I am still in a mess right now. I wanted to cry.. really badly.
Is there anything I could do to... heal it? Other than waitin for time to pass as it heal by itself? I couldn't wait anymore, I am in a hurry, to have this wound covered up, regardless of how bad the cover is.

It kinda hurts though, everytime I thought of him, I felt stupid, that he was jus being nice. Being a nice guy, and doing the same to everyone..
Feelings cannot be controlled, that I know.
But I tried, and I succeeded.. How in the world am I so careless this time?
I was overthinking stuff really.
Now, whatever happens, I would really have to wait until a guy that I like confesses.. that way, it won't hurt as much to me.

I am now kinda skeptic on who approaches me and who not.
I am also very careful about who treats me nice and what not.
Yes, true, my feelings are bleeding, and my heart is calling out for help where I wont know when it will come..
I am pretty sure, if I don heal my hurting heart soon, I would soon fall into the same trap.

I am being extra careful.. careful of those who are around me.
Careful so that my feelings won't jus flow out like that easily.
I must learn that, anyone who treats me nice, is jus for the sake of treating me nice, and good.
Not that they like me or something. I am more like a close friend, than a "romantic" friend to them..
I must stand on my ground and my principle..

I am confident with myself, definitely.
But not this way.. I dont wan to disappoint myself ever again.

Truthful to the horoscope, I am cancer (crab) that goes back into the shell when my emotions are unstable.
I am, yes, now unstable..
probably, most likely, will have a crush on those who are nice to me... especially guys.

I need to really.. really, avoid them for now..
at least for the month of July I guess? It really feels like years to me though..

as for my statuses..
I remembered vividly what he asked.
"Do you believe in long distance relationship?"
I have answered that I dont know.
But now, I can say "Yes, I do believe in long distance relationship, but I cannot say for sure it'll work"

Though, believe me, I seriously, honestly hope that he won't ever read this blog of mine. Me and my stupid heart breaking rants. HAHA~
However, I am pretty sure he won't even care. :D

Some may say, it's only one sided feelings that are being rejected. True, it may not be important or that big of a deal for some ppl..
because it is for me at least. :)



hey, everyone's feeling is delicate right?

furthermore, yes, I am still hoping for a miracle to happen.
where, only time will tell, that I will find someone I like who likes me back.
Note the word, like. :)
though, for sure, when I like someone, I'd fall in love pretty fast.