Humans...I see in Me.

Humans.. are such strange creatures, huh?

I dreamt of him two nights ago... was pretty depressed about it till now.
In my dream, he wasn't supposed to be there..
Well, I saw him as someone else, as someone I know, a friend of mine who called me over and I went over there jus to say hi.
The closer I got to him, the more familiar he looks.
"Damn" was the word I first muttered when I saw who he really is.
He was there, asking me, "How are you?"

I was tempted to answer him.. But I chose to ignore him.
I need to be more "stone" hearted right? Because I know, even in my heart, I did not fully forget him yet..

I will, eventually.
Time is everything right?
If it hurts in dream, wouldn't it be worse if it happens in real life?

Then it got me into thinking..
Making me depress as ever, though my friends and I are having fun, my heart is still hurting because of the dream.
I did not want to depend on my friends so much. I do not want to cry everytime it hurts, having my friends to comfort me everytime.
It's time to grow up, be a big girl, time to stop thinking about such a thing that happens in the past..
Time to let go, and be independent..

Then, I got even more depressed, when I jus *found* out that everyone's life is revolving, with or without me. Hah! I know, stupid and stupid me for jus realizing that so late right?
Who cares if I'm there or not?
Who might be worry about me, thinking about me if I'm there or not?
Who knows that I'm having a bad day jus by one look?

Who cares?

Thus, I found out.. I am just another girl in their life. Girl friends, probably. Not much of an importance. Missing me as a friend, having me as an enemy, or there's no existence of me in their life.. It makes no difference.

It's not like I am going to commit suicide or anything like that.
It's not like I want my all my friends to notice me, think of me and care for me all the time..
It's just that, I could not feel the love they are pouring into me.. or that the love they give never fulfill my cup in my heart.

Sometimes, it's just, depressing to see, that their life.. will not ever change just because I am not there.
Everyone has their very own life to enjoy right?
Everyone, including me, still lives well without some other friends right?

I think my tears come out easily nowadays.
I wanted to cry again.. two nights ago, and now.
But I will hold it in.. because this is nothing.. This is something I should face in life.
I should accept the fact that, the world (my friends) still goes on with or without me.

There we go again, tears.