I assure you, I am not having PMS/ or anything like that.
My mood stays the same even when I am/ before having that menstrual cycle.
I found out that I am actually quite a sensitive girl.
I am too sensitive to a point that I am easily upset-ed by someone who did something to me.
For example :
Last 2 weeks, some ppl went to their (also mine) friends' place for a drink. I was not invited. They were having fun. I was not invited. :(
A friend I know of, who I thought was close to me before I disappeared for 2 months, are not available/free anymore after mixing with other friends of mine when I get back. He is constantly busy with something/ someone/ some event. Not to mention, I was not invited.
Sunday, I made a last minute plan to go swimming, that was 3hours before the planned time. Everyone is ok with it..
I am on my way there (which is aroudn 40 min high way drive, from my place to theirs), they called, telling me they are not free to go anymore. I had to turn back feeling disappointed. They then msn-ed me, apologizing. They did not want to go because they are jus done with hair cutting, then they went for dinner in IHOP.
I was upset of course. If they are not free, then they shouldn't even be saying "yes" with me.. :( they apologized, I'm fine with it, but I dont think I will ever forget this incident.
Few of my friends told me I have slimmed down. Well I am definitely slimmer than before I go back to Msia.
A friend of mine jus told me I got FATTER! especially in the tummy part.
When I know I did slim down at least 1.5 inches there.
I feel like not eating anymore. Starve myself to die. I am now officially fat, fat, fat. I hate to do that, but when someone told me that, I am upset. Very Upset. I feel like I shouldn't even be eating at all. NOTHING! cause everything I ate will make me so fat that everyone will just look at me and tell me I'm fat!
I am so upset with all these.
I remember all those stuff that upset me.
I don't care how ppl look at me, but when someone say I have gotten fat when I have actually slimmed down, is very upsetting.
He told me "I guess I wanted to say, don't blame the dress"
or that "It's up to you if you dont think you've gotten fat"
Well, it's definitely to him, I got fatter.
Then he was curious on which one of us can get slimmer faster.
I am so not curious.
Only not eating anything will make me feel better about myself. So, why not?
I'm sorry if my insensitivity have driven you away from me.
I know I did that to a few friends of mine, which I shouldn't be doing.
I am being spoiled with them, which I know I should not be doing that.
I am just another friend. I bet I can be easily replaced if I am doing that again.
I will try my very best to control my sensitive-ness in front of my friend(s) - I could count up to 3 at least now.
I will try my best to control my sensitivity. I know it gets annoying when I always do it.
Especially with that "Please help me" or that "You didn't invite me *pout*" type of msg that I give to ppl............
I WAN TO GO ON FUCKING DIET AND STARVE MYSELF TO DEATH!!
I wanna be fucking SKINNY so no one will say I'M FAT!
I DONT feel like talking to my friend anymore.. or to those who said I'm fat. I don wan to hear that.
I am running away from reality, yes.
And when I hear that, I will be instantly down. EATING will never be an option for me.....................
Should I die of not eating?
Water will be my only source of food?
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